Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
