Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
