I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
