This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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