I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize