I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
