I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
