i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
