we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
