i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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