My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
