Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
