i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize