Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
