In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
