Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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