that's an acceptable place to lick
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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