i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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