If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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