he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love having hate sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
