i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
