can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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