You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
