I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
