I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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