I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
