im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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