Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
