my vag is so smooth its legendary
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
