If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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