Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
