but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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