i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
