I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
