you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
