My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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