i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
