omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
