hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
