you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i think my cat just said my name.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
