I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
