so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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