Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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