a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
