I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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