Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
