history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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