So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You can't motorboat a personality
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
