i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
