Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
