just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
