Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
