plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Less talking, more tequila
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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