I bet he comes in French.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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