Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

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  (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8
  Replies (45) Good night (1543) Bad night (9494)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride

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  (417): I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride http://tfl.nu/qcn3
  Replies (6) Good night (525) Bad night (2593)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no, it is just poor

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  (248): windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam (630): no, it is just poor http://tfl.nu/96gb
  Replies (75) Good night (785) Bad night (2560)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"

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  (402): apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy" http://tfl.nu/lm9p
  Replies (20) Good night (5258) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

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  (915): My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!! http://tfl.nu/a7ta
  Replies (22) Good night (6108) Bad night (582)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.

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  (937): I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge. http://tfl.nu/8lhz
  Replies (19) Good night (4411) Bad night (1004)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

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  (406): She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads?? http://tfl.nu/sqt6
  Replies (24) Good night (1946) Bad night (2769)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.

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  (201): I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out. http://tfl.nu/k100
  Replies (5) Good night (1545) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  Tearing families apart since 2011.

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  (913): Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife (1-913): Tearing families apart since 2011. http://tfl.nu/djlc
  Replies (4) Good night (1101) Bad night (522)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30

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  (845): I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30 http://tfl.nu/ce0m
  Replies (1) Good night (828) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

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  (772): Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/4fru
  Replies (20) Good night (1931) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.

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  (218): I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately. http://tfl.nu/wrd1
  Replies (2) Good night (1045) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,

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  (626): My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing, http://tfl.nu/i8yq
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (182)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.

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  (780): It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller. http://tfl.nu/7k3f
  Replies (6) Good night (740) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already

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  (703): I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already http://tfl.nu/u5c8
  Replies (4) Good night (325) Bad night (540)

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