she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.