well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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