Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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