maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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