I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
