Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
