guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The best revenge is premature balding
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
