I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
