Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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