when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
