guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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