I looked at my own cervix.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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