are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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