I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
