those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize