Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
