I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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